Oh my. Hello there!

Time has flown by hasn't it? I decided to pop back on this blog and re-read some of my past posts. And man oh man. Roller coaster of emotion! Embarrassment all over. Haha. Such a sad and empty blog. You have been abused so. I really do hope I can figure something to make this a little more interesting. Even if no one reads it. It'll just be my personal little area. ^^ And if people do come by and read then, *shy* @@;


 I'm still continuing with my graphic design major, but I have switched schools! Now I get to live at home and take the the train to school. Which is quite nice. And this environment I feel a lot comfortable in. 

Hmm..What to do, what to do! I have so much going on that I don't know if I'll be able to handle posting on here. Hmm.. I'll do what I can. o3o. And onto another hiatus!! :D 

AprilAthena7's giveaway!!

Doubt anyone would see this post.. :[ But! AprilAthena7 is hosting a very big giveaway! So! You should check it out! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKm7MUi5OcI&feature=feedu

Good luck!

Chuc Mung Nam Moi!!

Happy Chinese Lunar New Year!! o-o;;

Let you all be healthy, have fun, get good money, find love, be lucky and what not. :)

And I know realized.. that it's 14 past 12 in the morning =__= but whatever :'D

Oh, You..

Oh, you. You rascal...

Yes. You. You're a rascal. Life seems to be like that lately. Thought since switching my major that I'm happy and confident with my choice. Though I know I need to work hard to improve my artistic abilities since I put it on the back burner in high school.

The usual call to the parents is something I do once a day. Weekends I let them call me. (lol). Anyway. The call to the father was perfect and fine, nothing stressful it was normal. The call to them mother, I don't know how it started but it ended up talking about my major, money, loans, future, financial issues. That all went down hill for me. I started to cry but I had to hold it back and calm down because my roommate was in the room when I was talking to my mum. I understand that she's concerned about me. Since I went from a science major to an art major. Asked me if I'm able to make enough money with all the loans and how much school costs.

Ok let me tell you this. College is expensive as hell. All students will be welcomed into the world after graduation with a big debt tailing behind them. They're lucky if they get it paid without loans. For me I'm half lucky. My parents do support me and stuff. But I do have loans of my own. It's because I decided to attend a college 1.5 hrs away from home. I asked everybody and told me to come here and to experience college, and most of my friends were attending here as well. All is good. I like it, certain things that I don't like about this place. But it's manageable. Hate the dorms though. And there are things that I wished I could redo again. Because it's causing me stress, anxiety, and borderline depression. Be sure of what you really want to pursue because it'll be much easier on you mentally and emotionally.

I switched majors because I couldn't concentrate in my science classes. I attend class, lab, etc. But when it came to the midterms and exams. I just couldn't focus myself to study it. Yeah yeah. It's my fault that I didn't study enough for me to think that way. Even in high school I was the same way. I was really happy with my major I was just going through it like I did high school just went with the flow not really thinking about it. But I decided to go art major because it was my 2nd choice for my major. Even though financial it won't be making much money compared to being a science major, but I know I'll be much happier with it. Than doing something I just have no passion for, I felt that I needed to be a science major and become some sort of doctor. You know why? Cause I'm Asian, and I felt obligated to my parents to become something that has some worth in the medical field.

I should have listened to my own voice, but I guess when I was deciding what I wanted to do, that my voice was being overpowered by what my parents suggested and want for me. Because I felt OBLIGATED to do so. They told me to do whatever I wanted as long as I'm happy, and to pick something for myself and not what they want, even though they still like their suggestions. I just want to cry just thinking about it.

But my mum jjust stressed me out so much talking about money, loans, and shit a-like. And kept asking me if what I wanted to do makes enough money for me to pay it off. Ugh. Just getting to this part again just makes me want to go violent. I just. I'm stopping ehre because I can't go any further becuase I'll just blow up. I'm on the urge of crying. Oh look I wrote an essay.

Update to myself.. hah

2011..... Why hello....

2010.... wasn't so great academic wise.. ^^;; so goodbye..

I have good news!! After so much depression/anxiety from school!!! I decided to change my major FINALLY. To something that actually interests me. I originally was going for General Science with Physicians assistant option. Stuff is hard!! And I really didn't like my advisor... she was not so nice... After an advisor meeting with her, came out super depressed about myself. Change to undeclared winter term.. Loved that advisor oh my gosh.. advisor meeting with her I came out quite happy... Then *drum rolls* tada!! you're looking at an applied arts student!! going for graphic design option~...

It sounds quite scary, because graphic design is really really(x9999) hard to get into they only accept.. I believe 20 stupids out of the 40 that signed up for the portfolio review class. And if you don't get accepted you have to try again NEXT FALL... :| That's the only scary thing... I mean If I don't get it junior year... then I have to try senior year which means I might need to do 1 more year of college. To me. I don't mind but my parents really don't want that.. Since they were apprehensive about me changing to an art degree in the first place.

They told me that I should do something that interests me. Well here it is.. Scary as hell.. Ah late for class... *skips out*

I wanna cry ;__________;

This totally sucks! I thought next year would be really fun. But then I found out that my friend has to live at the sorority house next year for 2 years! I mean I'm happy for her that she got back in and all. Now I have to room with someone I don't even know!! And I don't know what they are like and It was a total surprise to me with the roommate that I had this year. And it didn't end well on my end, it was a like 75% dislike. e________e hate that bitch, but she can be cool sometimes... SOMETIMES..

Now I just wanna cry! Since she's not going to live in the dorms, I wanna move out and find an apartment. BUT! The cancellation fee is ridiculous! I mean why can't we cancel it when we haven't even moved in? That means! A room for the other people. It's going to be $2000 for the whole year that we haven't used! It's a bit crazy. But like all colleges, they like money they try to squeeze out as much as they can. I don't even know if I can go study abroad to Japan for junior year. UUGGGH I cried for the past two days now I wanna cry more!! What a horrible week. -smashes head into wall-

Oh I hate you.

This morning I thought was just a regular morning. Woke up tried to brush my teeth but I heard my phone, and it was my Dad calling. Recently I hated calls from my parents I DREAD them. He called to ask if I have any finals today and what time is my last one tomorrow because I get to go home for SUMMER BREAK. Well now lately my parents are questioning my college education ness. He's like WHY ARE YOU TAKING ART FOR YOU DON"T NEED IT. Well.. I need it for Baccore, and it fills up my Literature and Arts requirement. After the call he made me fell so worthless and like he's disappointed in me. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out right now because I don't know what to do anymore!
All of this stress is getting to me and that call just topped it off. I dont' know what o do with ny life anymore. I feel like I let down my parents. I really think they just want me to kill myself really. Because I can't really handle this anymore. Trying to figure out what major/career I want, Finals, and parents shit all in one ball. THEY just don't understand! I know what I need to take and yet they question me. I understand that they question how I study becaues I said I didn't know how I did on the chemistry. Just to be honest, I think I'm not good at the sciences. Or mainly because I dont' study it correctly. Or barely study for it at all. Oh god I'm so upset right now. I'm fucking crying at 10:30 in the morning. I don't need this in the morning. I try to give it my best, but my best is not good for them. I just wish something came along to make me feel better and make it obvious what career I should go into. I mean OBVIOUS like flashing lights and an arrow saying HEY KIM YOU NEED TO DO THIS SHIT.
As of right now I feel like being a Dermatologist. With my science grade right now, I don't know if I can study hard enough to make it. It appeals to me because I've had skin problems, my brother, and friends have skin problems. And I want to do something that'll make their skin healthier. Because I'm always about making people having good skin. And stuff and I want to do that for them. I'm really interested in being a Cosmetic Dermatologist. That's my goal if I go that route. But again I don't know, stratch that, I dont' THINK I'll study hard enough to make it. If I don't then my parnets will be like wtf did you do. wtf are you going to do now??
then the other options are still artsy, but I know that won't provide much money, but I think I will enjoy it very much. But I'm gonna stop I give up.
I'm useless,worthless, and a disappointment of a daughter. I can't study proficient enough, and my grades are ok. I'm gonna give up hope right now.
Well of to study or TRY to study with all this emotional stress going on with me. -sigh- I think I'm gonna go cry more.

Annoying as hell. [rant]

Oh joys of studying. :) Oh wait, what is this? International students being loud a fuck 1:30 in the morning? I have nothing against international students I think they're fantastic. But there is something wrong with this new batch this term. They are LOUD. Conversing and screaming outside the dorm. Trying to sound like Lil John screaming "What?" "Okay".
Mind you my window is closed. It usually blocks out sound really well. I"m also on the 5th floor, so I'm pretty sure the rest of the floors can hear these bitches scream, or they're already asleep and can't hear the douche baggery that's going on. But not in this case where these guys are rowdy as FUCK, and needs to be beaten in the face. I know not all of the students are doing this, but it's just this particular group that just decided to be douche bags. I don't know why they are doing it, they need to stop. I'm really disappointed with the leader people of the dorm, they can't hear this shit? Really.

I'm also to the point where I'm thinking up murderous things, like punching their lights out then ripe their vocal chords out so they can never scream and being annoying as fuck ever again. But will never put them into action. Even better yet they start getting into an argument where they beat each OTHER up. :)

It's interesting you would think that everywhere in the world is the same. Where once it's late at night you would SHUT THE HELL UP and keep quiet for people are sleeping or in my case studying. I have the feeling that they own the shit.



AERWEIJS:LDfkja;lerkja;lsdfkja;slekjtr mother fucking douche bags

Getting owned by jeans......

-sigh- I'm so lucky... Oh so lucky......... This is the 2nd time this has occurred.... My jeans getting ripped. Luckily I was in my room when it ripped. Mind you 2nd time it has been ripped in the inner thigh. WHICH means I'm fat. WHICH MEANS! My thighs rubs together to make friction. I mean I'm chubby... -__-;; But never before I had my jeans rip..

Lucky week for me..
-Getting a cold... Apparently from seasonal changes.
-One of my favorite pairs of skinny jeans. Ripped.
-Feeling of uselessness
-Feeling stress
-Chem Exam.


-sigh- Well time to do homework that I was gonna save to do on the weekend. :/ Going to try and do as much as I can because when I'm at home, I tend to not do homework and just play~ Fucking sucks.

Ugh, shouldn't have eaten that.

Have you had that feeling/moment where you feel what your body is feeling? Where you have eaten something that you haven't eaten in a long time, and you decide to eat it? Well, I'm feeling that.

I had two slices of pizza, and a small macaroni for dinner around......5:30? Now I feel like crap and bloated. Ugh. After eating that I feel guilty. I've been eating healthy, treating myself to things now and then. But shouldn't have had that pizza.

Living on campus, the food can get REALLY boring. And during my 2nd term here I started to hate the food. I eat the same things everyday. Salad, Soup, Sandwich. . . Everyday. At my dining center there is the Deli, Italian, Mexican, Chinese, BBQ(it just opened, and it's really good. I get meat cravings and that's where I would go straight too XD), and hamburgers. THAT'S ALL. And some of the restaurants aren't really health friendly when eating it every week.
It's alright if you like get a burrito, or a hamburger every now and then. Ugh. I had college food.

Next year I'm going to live in the same dorm building with a good friend of mine, and it's going to be awesome. But there are somethings that I wished that we got an apartment, #1 reason is. *drum roll* KITCHEN! No need to eat campus crap food! We can cook for ourselves. But my dorm building has a kitchen on the main floor, but we have to buy our own pots and pants and stuff and we can't really keep it in the kitchen area. And mind you this year we had the kitchen closed down several times because the people who do use the kitchen can't keep it clean.

-sigh- I'm gonna go mope around because I ate pizza. eeeeeek >_< My body doesn't feel so good. @__@;;

heartofpearl: giveaway

http://heartofpearl.blogspot.com/2010/04/thank-you-giveaway.html


Those who happen to stumble across my blog. Heartofpearl, link to her blog above, is doing a giveaway for (almost) reaching 500 followers!! Yay! :)

P.S.!!!

Totally forgot! I WISH I HAD AN XBOX 360 OR PS3. .

You know why?! FFXIII came out today. . . ;_________;

-sigh- broken hearted :[

Am I in the Wrong??

Am I in the Wrong? Somehow?

Ok. I'm in an extremely bad mood, because I got off the phone with my mum. I told her about my day. Everything all good same same. But then she asked me if I spent any money. I was like, yes, i bought cereal. Because I ran out. She asked me oh you went with your roommate? I proceeded to say no, I went with another friend, we WALKED... . . . Then hell broke lose. Of course, she proceeded to say, really? your dad wouldn't like it, i'm getting the shivers thinking about tat!! BLAHBALHBALBHLHBALBH


Wtf? really? I can't even walk to the stoer which is like 10 mintues away to buy fucking cereal? My friend had pepper spray, and I had an alarm. Plus there's just two of us. If anything went down, we could kick ass right? She blinds them, I make em deaf. I don't even know why I told my mum that. Because i should have known better that my parents are ANAL about shit like this. OH! Your on your own in college, take care of yourself. THATS WHAT I DID. omfg. I don't know why but I think I'm very mad, because I take care of myself very well here, mind you. I don't go out and party becaues that doesn't appeal to me, plus a lot of shit happens and it can be very unsafe. Even now I don't understand why people go party, and drink when they're underage. Still a mystery.

But I know no one will read this. Am I wrong here? Was it not safe for me and my friend to go out which was 6 pm there was still light out. To go to the store? Mind you I would have asked my roommate to take me. But she recently was bitching saying that she feels used because of her best friend. Because she feels like her best friend only hangs out with her because she has a car. . . . wtf? If you care about your best friend then you do so. My best friend did that for me, because i DON'T have a car. MY best friend is awesome. My roommate feels used because her best friend wants to hang out then says OH can you pick me up? . . . .. Then because I felt like if I ask her to drive me then she'll feel that I'm using her. I don't know. I wish I could smack someone in the face. Preferably someone in the same room. But I'm just bitching right now. This week sucks.

AM I WRONG HERE?! I'm in fu**ing college.

I'm so freaking angry, that I can't think straight. And I have to write a freaking essay.

Undecisive.. I am.

Title sounds a bit like Yoda. tee hee.

With previous posts, I've been working with a career counselor trying to figure out what kind of career path that I should take within my college major. So I've decided to switch to undeclared for now. Just to let my options open. Take other types of classes and see what's going on, and see what sparks my interest.
So far I'm most interested in is.

Skin care / cosmetics

Video games

Something artsy (illustration, jewelery/fashion(?))

Language

That's all that I feel like I'll be really happy doing. But the thing is. I know some of the things don't really pay as well as I would hope it would. Like doing something in language. That's most likely going to be a side job, since it's not a solid job. I was talking to my best friend and she suggested being a medical translator. I wasn't quite sure about that. I have to know a lot of medical terms, and don't screw up. Because it'll be really bad and I'll feel so terrible if i mistranslated something.


And recently my best friend said that she's interested in making clothing, and she said if I can't think of anything that I should work with her with that. And I TOTALLY WOULD! OMFG. How fun would that be! Making cute ass clothes, drag my imagination out of it's corner because I forced it there because of college! She sparked something that I would have total fun with, albeit probably stress a lot over.

I just her some of the blogs that I follow, listed in my profile thing. Most of them are some how involved with clothing, jewelry, or makeup. And what they're doing is so interesting to me. It looks like a lot of fun, and they look like they're happy doing what they do. I'm REALLY envious of that. Because I just can't choose. I've always like doing something creative. Also my result of my interest test thing, that I had to take for my career counselor, how out as 'Arts, Design, Entertainment, Sports, and Media' and it got 100%!!!! The one is 'Education, Library Sciences, and Training', but that only got a 75%
Umm..Yeah. ^____^;; So.

She just sparked something in me that sounds to FU**ING appealing to me! But she says that it's probably going to be a side thing, and a hobby for right now. Which I totally agree with her on. Don't want to be doing stuff with fashion, and being broke!! That's a no no. Plus fabric is pricey!! AND she also made another good point. "It's not as easy as people think it is!" Which is freaking true! The people that I follow blog, and youtube wise. They do what they do because they love it, and have a good ... following of people? If I can put it that way. I guess that they are successful with what they're doing because they're making things that other people like, and will buy. Which I think is true. Because I see some of things that they create, and they are hella cute!! Makes me wish I had spending money that I can buy stuff from them.
There are a few that I follow, and they're doing what I wish I could/would do.

But the thing is, another major part of my career making decision is. Dun dun dun. My parents that's such a big one. Even though they tell me time, time and again. "Do whatever makes you happy to do, and don't make your decision based upon us." . . Excuse me? That doesn't help at all! I love them to death. But it's really hard. Because they have careers for me that they prefer. Because they know that it's safe, and I'll make good money from it. I feel like if I don't do something that makes good money, safe, and reliable that, I'll make them disappointed. That's how I feel. I'll feel like they won't be proud of me. EVEN THOUGH, I know that they will be with anything I do. I just feel like that. If I don't do something in health field. That they'll be so disappointed. My brother is doing pharmacy after switching several times. And they are happy with that. Because, haha, good money. My parents also expressed their interest in me that I could do the same, and I feel overwhelmed. They say things like do whatever you feel that will make you happy. We just have careers that we prefer for you.

My career counselor, says that it's a good thing that I switched to undeclared, because I can take a breather. See what my options are. Which is awesome. Because I do feel better about it. But, ARGGH! It's still in the back of my mind, and it's driving me insane.

This would help if I found a husband, that's going to make most of the money, and is willingly let me do the things that I'm interested in. As long as he's in a career that he's happy with. That's one option. But that'll be a hard one to find. :P It'd be nice though, thinking about it now. haha

END!

Bleeeh

I wished I can turn my blog into something interesting. So far it's been boring, and most of it is me ranting about things that are making me angry at the time. :\
I'll probably do something with it when I have time. Maybe put some pictures. We'll see..


-sigh- Time to murder the rest of my essay that I got to do. :| I hate writing essays.

Happy Chinese New Year/ Chuc Mung Nam Moi/Happy Valentine's day!!!

In happier news.

CHUC MUNG NAM MOI!!

I hope everyone is getting a lot of li xi/red envelopes. :)

Whew. And back at school, such a bummer.
Oh and Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers out there.........Jealous. :[
There's a lot going on today, friends b-day, new years, v-day. @_@;

Well time to get back to studying, and what not. :\ But in the other hand.....I'm gonna play pokemon.. haha.

A complete failure. (long post)

Have you ever knew what you wanted to be when you were younger? But has it changed a few (hundred) times as you grew up? Well, I know how you feel.

I remember when I was asked for the first time, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". At that time I had know clue what I wanted to be, so I just said "A teacher." Then in 4th grade, we were asked the same question. We did a class project, it was a quilt mural, and each of our murals was what career we wanted in the the future. Everyone had a different square, someone wanted to be a doctor, a computer programmer, a vet, etc. Mine was, a fashion designer.

Then in the beginning of 6th grade I was contemplating what I wanted to do. So I had stuck with, Graphic Designer for a bit until 9th grade. I changed it to a Video Game Designer, or a Video Game Concept Artist. And I stuck with the idea of going into the video game industry for a long time. And I thought that it was set in stone.

On to Junior year, now I have to find out what college I wanted to go to, and decide what major I wanted that would lead to my career path. This was my, "Oh shit." moment. Because now I could no longer imagine and dream my future career. Now I had to CHOOSE it. I started to look up various career path. I still considered of going into the video game industry. But then I had to get the talk with my dad, and wow, was that stressful. I thought up of a lot of careers that I thought were interesting, but I just had something else on my mind. Would it financially support me? Would I enjoy it? I ask myself every question there was. And I still had no solid plan.

I thought of Physician, Pastry Chef, Cosmetic Surgeon, Photographer, Translator, Musician, Video Game Designer, Physician's Assistant, etc. Well then I thought, "Well, I'm screwed." Then eventually I chose Physician's Assistant, because they're sort of like doctors, less time in school compared to a regular Physician, and I can support myself. I thought that was set in stone as well. Then along came first term of college......I knew I wanted to change my majors, but NOW I have no clue what now.

Since finishing my first term of college, let's say that I'm not doing so hot, so far I got a C, and a D+. . WTF. Now I'm all depressed and all now. I'm just lost with myself. I always wished and hope that something would give me an obvious hint of what I should do with my life. And I always hoped that it would be my an answer. Never got it yet. I don't know what I want to do with myself. Now being depressed from learning that 2 out 4 of my classes that I'm not doing great. I'm just a lost soul not know what to do with herself. Now I have to hear this shit from my dad. I tried my hardest no lie. I just can't find my niche in life.

I'm just so lost...I might cry myself to sleep tonight.

I have several passions in my life. But those passions would turn into possible careers in the future...Until the passion dies down, and I pick up a new one.. What is wrong with me. I know that a lot of college students are the same like me, not know what to do with themselves. Some are jumping around majors, some in community college, some are undeclared majors... Now I'm just trying to find something that I'm happy with and that will support me financially in the future. But that's just asking too much... shit... Well I'm a complete failure.

Oh my goodness..

I'm in my second week of college. And I have to say, it's alright. The first week was alright, mainly getting use to everything and where all the buildings are.

The poopie thing was, when I had to say good-bye to my parents. I was trying so hard not to cry. My mom said "I don't want to look at you when we leave." that alone made me tear up. But then they went away, and into my college experience. First couple of days I was really homesick. But I talk to my parents everyday, because they tell me to call them everyday. ~_____~

Went home on the weekend. It was so stressful just to go home on the weekend. I had to lug my big ass duffel bag of dirty clothes to my friend's sisters apartment, so she could drive us home. But their family wanted to eat dinner like 30-40 minutes away from their house. So I had to get my brother to pick me up at the restaurant. Ugh, it was horrible. My arms were so sore the next day from carrying my duffel bag.

The best thing I got home was, being HOME! I got the best greeting from my dog. And I hugged the floor of the house. It felt so good to be home!! And I didn't have fish sauce in my diet for 6 days. It felt really nice. But I know that I won't be able to go home EVERY weekend. It'd be nice, but there will be some times where I need to study for up coming tests.

So far college classes aren't so bad. I really love my chemistry class though, the teacher is so happy and awake in the morning. And he makes us laugh, it keeps me awake. XD

Ahhh....college... I like you now, but I know I'll hate you later.. :)

Moved in!!

I officially moved in.

It was tough getting it. Since there was a football game going on. A lot of supporters, everybody was wearing some form of black or orange. I felt left out. I'll probably buy some school gear later.

My parents were really serious, and repeating things that they told me before. They're just worried. While moving my things in my parents were getting on my nerves a bit. But when they left, I almost cried. :[ I'm a bit homesick but that's just the norm, wait until school starts then I wouldn't even think about it. Studying left to right. It's going to be so weird adjusting to college life. 1 hour of class = 2 hours of study. Daaammmn. It's going to be interetsing from here on out!

Danng! It gets cold in dorm rooms haha. I closed my window but it seems like it's still open. I'm gonna go on an adventure on campus tomorrow. Going to go to look for my classes. :\ Don't want to be lost on monday. That won't be good. AND I have to wake up around 6!!

How fun!! D:

Ack no!

Oh my. .

Going to start college soon. . Getting really nervous. I'm officially going to move down there tomorrow. I'm somewhat moved in, I'm just gonna move the rest of my things down there. And it seems like a lot of stuff... 1 big fat bag of clothes, 3 bags of little things, cleaning, bathroom things, food, girl things.

It's going to be so different for me and at home. I'm quite excited since I'm going to be in a new place, by myself, and I get to experience more than when I was at home. I didn't get to do much at home. Even though I'm gonna be myself, I still have to responsible, I'm not going to go crazy like some people do. College is supposed to be parties, crazy stuff. And I'm positive that I'm not going to do that, paying way too much money to be stupid. Of course of I'm going to allow myself just to see what everything is about, but I'm not going to be stupid and drink and smoke. That's just lame.

And of course my parents are going crazy. I'm the last child and the only girl to go to college. And they are being over protective. I understand, but they tell me the things that I already know. -_______-; It's getting bit annoying. Even with the little things. "Don't forget the umbrella, because we're not gonna drive down there to give it to you.", things like that. AND the big one, "Do not go anywhere with anyone. Don't do anything with anyone. . .~" Things like that. That quote was from my dad. He's the most paranoid.. He expects me to have no social life, just eat, sleep, and study. But he damn well knows that I'm not going to do that.

Of course every freshmen college dorm living student is going to be homesick. . I know I will. But college experience away from the parents is going to be worth it. Everybody recommends to live in a dorm for the first year. It's just something that you have to do when you get there. .

I'm worried about the food. When I was there for orientation for 2 days, I was sick of the food already. :| It's gonna be tough, haha. I'm going to have no fish sauce in my diet. < / 3