Yes. You. You're a rascal. Life seems to be like that lately. Thought since switching my major that I'm happy and confident with my choice. Though I know I need to work hard to improve my artistic abilities since I put it on the back burner in high school.
The usual call to the parents is something I do once a day. Weekends I let them call me. (lol). Anyway. The call to the father was perfect and fine, nothing stressful it was normal. The call to them mother, I don't know how it started but it ended up talking about my major, money, loans, future, financial issues. That all went down hill for me. I started to cry but I had to hold it back and calm down because my roommate was in the room when I was talking to my mum. I understand that she's concerned about me. Since I went from a science major to an art major. Asked me if I'm able to make enough money with all the loans and how much school costs.
Ok let me tell you this. College is expensive as hell. All students will be welcomed into the world after graduation with a big debt tailing behind them. They're lucky if they get it paid without loans. For me I'm half lucky. My parents do support me and stuff. But I do have loans of my own. It's because I decided to attend a college 1.5 hrs away from home. I asked everybody and told me to come here and to experience college, and most of my friends were attending here as well. All is good. I like it, certain things that I don't like about this place. But it's manageable. Hate the dorms though. And there are things that I wished I could redo again. Because it's causing me stress, anxiety, and borderline depression. Be sure of what you really want to pursue because it'll be much easier on you mentally and emotionally.
I switched majors because I couldn't concentrate in my science classes. I attend class, lab, etc. But when it came to the midterms and exams. I just couldn't focus myself to study it. Yeah yeah. It's my fault that I didn't study enough for me to think that way. Even in high school I was the same way. I was really happy with my major I was just going through it like I did high school just went with the flow not really thinking about it. But I decided to go art major because it was my 2nd choice for my major. Even though financial it won't be making much money compared to being a science major, but I know I'll be much happier with it. Than doing something I just have no passion for, I felt that I needed to be a science major and become some sort of doctor. You know why? Cause I'm Asian, and I felt obligated to my parents to become something that has some worth in the medical field.
I should have listened to my own voice, but I guess when I was deciding what I wanted to do, that my voice was being overpowered by what my parents suggested and want for me. Because I felt OBLIGATED to do so. They told me to do whatever I wanted as long as I'm happy, and to pick something for myself and not what they want, even though they still like their suggestions. I just want to cry just thinking about it.
But my mum jjust stressed me out so much talking about money, loans, and shit a-like. And kept asking me if what I wanted to do makes enough money for me to pay it off. Ugh. Just getting to this part again just makes me want to go violent. I just. I'm stopping ehre because I can't go any further becuase I'll just blow up. I'm on the urge of crying. Oh look I wrote an essay.
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