I wanna cry ;__________;

This totally sucks! I thought next year would be really fun. But then I found out that my friend has to live at the sorority house next year for 2 years! I mean I'm happy for her that she got back in and all. Now I have to room with someone I don't even know!! And I don't know what they are like and It was a total surprise to me with the roommate that I had this year. And it didn't end well on my end, it was a like 75% dislike. e________e hate that bitch, but she can be cool sometimes... SOMETIMES..

Now I just wanna cry! Since she's not going to live in the dorms, I wanna move out and find an apartment. BUT! The cancellation fee is ridiculous! I mean why can't we cancel it when we haven't even moved in? That means! A room for the other people. It's going to be $2000 for the whole year that we haven't used! It's a bit crazy. But like all colleges, they like money they try to squeeze out as much as they can. I don't even know if I can go study abroad to Japan for junior year. UUGGGH I cried for the past two days now I wanna cry more!! What a horrible week. -smashes head into wall-

Oh I hate you.

This morning I thought was just a regular morning. Woke up tried to brush my teeth but I heard my phone, and it was my Dad calling. Recently I hated calls from my parents I DREAD them. He called to ask if I have any finals today and what time is my last one tomorrow because I get to go home for SUMMER BREAK. Well now lately my parents are questioning my college education ness. He's like WHY ARE YOU TAKING ART FOR YOU DON"T NEED IT. Well.. I need it for Baccore, and it fills up my Literature and Arts requirement. After the call he made me fell so worthless and like he's disappointed in me. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out right now because I don't know what to do anymore!
All of this stress is getting to me and that call just topped it off. I dont' know what o do with ny life anymore. I feel like I let down my parents. I really think they just want me to kill myself really. Because I can't really handle this anymore. Trying to figure out what major/career I want, Finals, and parents shit all in one ball. THEY just don't understand! I know what I need to take and yet they question me. I understand that they question how I study becaues I said I didn't know how I did on the chemistry. Just to be honest, I think I'm not good at the sciences. Or mainly because I dont' study it correctly. Or barely study for it at all. Oh god I'm so upset right now. I'm fucking crying at 10:30 in the morning. I don't need this in the morning. I try to give it my best, but my best is not good for them. I just wish something came along to make me feel better and make it obvious what career I should go into. I mean OBVIOUS like flashing lights and an arrow saying HEY KIM YOU NEED TO DO THIS SHIT.
As of right now I feel like being a Dermatologist. With my science grade right now, I don't know if I can study hard enough to make it. It appeals to me because I've had skin problems, my brother, and friends have skin problems. And I want to do something that'll make their skin healthier. Because I'm always about making people having good skin. And stuff and I want to do that for them. I'm really interested in being a Cosmetic Dermatologist. That's my goal if I go that route. But again I don't know, stratch that, I dont' THINK I'll study hard enough to make it. If I don't then my parnets will be like wtf did you do. wtf are you going to do now??
then the other options are still artsy, but I know that won't provide much money, but I think I will enjoy it very much. But I'm gonna stop I give up.
I'm useless,worthless, and a disappointment of a daughter. I can't study proficient enough, and my grades are ok. I'm gonna give up hope right now.
Well of to study or TRY to study with all this emotional stress going on with me. -sigh- I think I'm gonna go cry more.

Annoying as hell. [rant]

Oh joys of studying. :) Oh wait, what is this? International students being loud a fuck 1:30 in the morning? I have nothing against international students I think they're fantastic. But there is something wrong with this new batch this term. They are LOUD. Conversing and screaming outside the dorm. Trying to sound like Lil John screaming "What?" "Okay".
Mind you my window is closed. It usually blocks out sound really well. I"m also on the 5th floor, so I'm pretty sure the rest of the floors can hear these bitches scream, or they're already asleep and can't hear the douche baggery that's going on. But not in this case where these guys are rowdy as FUCK, and needs to be beaten in the face. I know not all of the students are doing this, but it's just this particular group that just decided to be douche bags. I don't know why they are doing it, they need to stop. I'm really disappointed with the leader people of the dorm, they can't hear this shit? Really.

I'm also to the point where I'm thinking up murderous things, like punching their lights out then ripe their vocal chords out so they can never scream and being annoying as fuck ever again. But will never put them into action. Even better yet they start getting into an argument where they beat each OTHER up. :)

It's interesting you would think that everywhere in the world is the same. Where once it's late at night you would SHUT THE HELL UP and keep quiet for people are sleeping or in my case studying. I have the feeling that they own the shit.



AERWEIJS:LDfkja;lerkja;lsdfkja;slekjtr mother fucking douche bags

Getting owned by jeans......

-sigh- I'm so lucky... Oh so lucky......... This is the 2nd time this has occurred.... My jeans getting ripped. Luckily I was in my room when it ripped. Mind you 2nd time it has been ripped in the inner thigh. WHICH means I'm fat. WHICH MEANS! My thighs rubs together to make friction. I mean I'm chubby... -__-;; But never before I had my jeans rip..

Lucky week for me..
-Getting a cold... Apparently from seasonal changes.
-One of my favorite pairs of skinny jeans. Ripped.
-Feeling of uselessness
-Feeling stress
-Chem Exam.


-sigh- Well time to do homework that I was gonna save to do on the weekend. :/ Going to try and do as much as I can because when I'm at home, I tend to not do homework and just play~ Fucking sucks.

Ugh, shouldn't have eaten that.

Have you had that feeling/moment where you feel what your body is feeling? Where you have eaten something that you haven't eaten in a long time, and you decide to eat it? Well, I'm feeling that.

I had two slices of pizza, and a small macaroni for dinner around......5:30? Now I feel like crap and bloated. Ugh. After eating that I feel guilty. I've been eating healthy, treating myself to things now and then. But shouldn't have had that pizza.

Living on campus, the food can get REALLY boring. And during my 2nd term here I started to hate the food. I eat the same things everyday. Salad, Soup, Sandwich. . . Everyday. At my dining center there is the Deli, Italian, Mexican, Chinese, BBQ(it just opened, and it's really good. I get meat cravings and that's where I would go straight too XD), and hamburgers. THAT'S ALL. And some of the restaurants aren't really health friendly when eating it every week.
It's alright if you like get a burrito, or a hamburger every now and then. Ugh. I had college food.

Next year I'm going to live in the same dorm building with a good friend of mine, and it's going to be awesome. But there are somethings that I wished that we got an apartment, #1 reason is. *drum roll* KITCHEN! No need to eat campus crap food! We can cook for ourselves. But my dorm building has a kitchen on the main floor, but we have to buy our own pots and pants and stuff and we can't really keep it in the kitchen area. And mind you this year we had the kitchen closed down several times because the people who do use the kitchen can't keep it clean.

-sigh- I'm gonna go mope around because I ate pizza. eeeeeek >_< My body doesn't feel so good. @__@;;

heartofpearl: giveaway

http://heartofpearl.blogspot.com/2010/04/thank-you-giveaway.html


Those who happen to stumble across my blog. Heartofpearl, link to her blog above, is doing a giveaway for (almost) reaching 500 followers!! Yay! :)

P.S.!!!

Totally forgot! I WISH I HAD AN XBOX 360 OR PS3. .

You know why?! FFXIII came out today. . . ;_________;

-sigh- broken hearted :[

Am I in the Wrong??

Am I in the Wrong? Somehow?

Ok. I'm in an extremely bad mood, because I got off the phone with my mum. I told her about my day. Everything all good same same. But then she asked me if I spent any money. I was like, yes, i bought cereal. Because I ran out. She asked me oh you went with your roommate? I proceeded to say no, I went with another friend, we WALKED... . . . Then hell broke lose. Of course, she proceeded to say, really? your dad wouldn't like it, i'm getting the shivers thinking about tat!! BLAHBALHBALBHLHBALBH


Wtf? really? I can't even walk to the stoer which is like 10 mintues away to buy fucking cereal? My friend had pepper spray, and I had an alarm. Plus there's just two of us. If anything went down, we could kick ass right? She blinds them, I make em deaf. I don't even know why I told my mum that. Because i should have known better that my parents are ANAL about shit like this. OH! Your on your own in college, take care of yourself. THATS WHAT I DID. omfg. I don't know why but I think I'm very mad, because I take care of myself very well here, mind you. I don't go out and party becaues that doesn't appeal to me, plus a lot of shit happens and it can be very unsafe. Even now I don't understand why people go party, and drink when they're underage. Still a mystery.

But I know no one will read this. Am I wrong here? Was it not safe for me and my friend to go out which was 6 pm there was still light out. To go to the store? Mind you I would have asked my roommate to take me. But she recently was bitching saying that she feels used because of her best friend. Because she feels like her best friend only hangs out with her because she has a car. . . . wtf? If you care about your best friend then you do so. My best friend did that for me, because i DON'T have a car. MY best friend is awesome. My roommate feels used because her best friend wants to hang out then says OH can you pick me up? . . . .. Then because I felt like if I ask her to drive me then she'll feel that I'm using her. I don't know. I wish I could smack someone in the face. Preferably someone in the same room. But I'm just bitching right now. This week sucks.

AM I WRONG HERE?! I'm in fu**ing college.

I'm so freaking angry, that I can't think straight. And I have to write a freaking essay.

Undecisive.. I am.

Title sounds a bit like Yoda. tee hee.

With previous posts, I've been working with a career counselor trying to figure out what kind of career path that I should take within my college major. So I've decided to switch to undeclared for now. Just to let my options open. Take other types of classes and see what's going on, and see what sparks my interest.
So far I'm most interested in is.

Skin care / cosmetics

Video games

Something artsy (illustration, jewelery/fashion(?))

Language

That's all that I feel like I'll be really happy doing. But the thing is. I know some of the things don't really pay as well as I would hope it would. Like doing something in language. That's most likely going to be a side job, since it's not a solid job. I was talking to my best friend and she suggested being a medical translator. I wasn't quite sure about that. I have to know a lot of medical terms, and don't screw up. Because it'll be really bad and I'll feel so terrible if i mistranslated something.


And recently my best friend said that she's interested in making clothing, and she said if I can't think of anything that I should work with her with that. And I TOTALLY WOULD! OMFG. How fun would that be! Making cute ass clothes, drag my imagination out of it's corner because I forced it there because of college! She sparked something that I would have total fun with, albeit probably stress a lot over.

I just her some of the blogs that I follow, listed in my profile thing. Most of them are some how involved with clothing, jewelry, or makeup. And what they're doing is so interesting to me. It looks like a lot of fun, and they look like they're happy doing what they do. I'm REALLY envious of that. Because I just can't choose. I've always like doing something creative. Also my result of my interest test thing, that I had to take for my career counselor, how out as 'Arts, Design, Entertainment, Sports, and Media' and it got 100%!!!! The one is 'Education, Library Sciences, and Training', but that only got a 75%
Umm..Yeah. ^____^;; So.

She just sparked something in me that sounds to FU**ING appealing to me! But she says that it's probably going to be a side thing, and a hobby for right now. Which I totally agree with her on. Don't want to be doing stuff with fashion, and being broke!! That's a no no. Plus fabric is pricey!! AND she also made another good point. "It's not as easy as people think it is!" Which is freaking true! The people that I follow blog, and youtube wise. They do what they do because they love it, and have a good ... following of people? If I can put it that way. I guess that they are successful with what they're doing because they're making things that other people like, and will buy. Which I think is true. Because I see some of things that they create, and they are hella cute!! Makes me wish I had spending money that I can buy stuff from them.
There are a few that I follow, and they're doing what I wish I could/would do.

But the thing is, another major part of my career making decision is. Dun dun dun. My parents that's such a big one. Even though they tell me time, time and again. "Do whatever makes you happy to do, and don't make your decision based upon us." . . Excuse me? That doesn't help at all! I love them to death. But it's really hard. Because they have careers for me that they prefer. Because they know that it's safe, and I'll make good money from it. I feel like if I don't do something that makes good money, safe, and reliable that, I'll make them disappointed. That's how I feel. I'll feel like they won't be proud of me. EVEN THOUGH, I know that they will be with anything I do. I just feel like that. If I don't do something in health field. That they'll be so disappointed. My brother is doing pharmacy after switching several times. And they are happy with that. Because, haha, good money. My parents also expressed their interest in me that I could do the same, and I feel overwhelmed. They say things like do whatever you feel that will make you happy. We just have careers that we prefer for you.

My career counselor, says that it's a good thing that I switched to undeclared, because I can take a breather. See what my options are. Which is awesome. Because I do feel better about it. But, ARGGH! It's still in the back of my mind, and it's driving me insane.

This would help if I found a husband, that's going to make most of the money, and is willingly let me do the things that I'm interested in. As long as he's in a career that he's happy with. That's one option. But that'll be a hard one to find. :P It'd be nice though, thinking about it now. haha

END!

Bleeeh

I wished I can turn my blog into something interesting. So far it's been boring, and most of it is me ranting about things that are making me angry at the time. :\
I'll probably do something with it when I have time. Maybe put some pictures. We'll see..


-sigh- Time to murder the rest of my essay that I got to do. :| I hate writing essays.

Happy Chinese New Year/ Chuc Mung Nam Moi/Happy Valentine's day!!!

In happier news.

CHUC MUNG NAM MOI!!

I hope everyone is getting a lot of li xi/red envelopes. :)

Whew. And back at school, such a bummer.
Oh and Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers out there.........Jealous. :[
There's a lot going on today, friends b-day, new years, v-day. @_@;

Well time to get back to studying, and what not. :\ But in the other hand.....I'm gonna play pokemon.. haha.