Oh my. Hello there!

Time has flown by hasn't it? I decided to pop back on this blog and re-read some of my past posts. And man oh man. Roller coaster of emotion! Embarrassment all over. Haha. Such a sad and empty blog. You have been abused so. I really do hope I can figure something to make this a little more interesting. Even if no one reads it. It'll just be my personal little area. ^^ And if people do come by and read then, *shy* @@;


 I'm still continuing with my graphic design major, but I have switched schools! Now I get to live at home and take the the train to school. Which is quite nice. And this environment I feel a lot comfortable in. 

Hmm..What to do, what to do! I have so much going on that I don't know if I'll be able to handle posting on here. Hmm.. I'll do what I can. o3o. And onto another hiatus!! :D 

AprilAthena7's giveaway!!

Doubt anyone would see this post.. :[ But! AprilAthena7 is hosting a very big giveaway! So! You should check it out! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKm7MUi5OcI&feature=feedu

Good luck!

Chuc Mung Nam Moi!!

Happy Chinese Lunar New Year!! o-o;;

Let you all be healthy, have fun, get good money, find love, be lucky and what not. :)

And I know realized.. that it's 14 past 12 in the morning =__= but whatever :'D

Oh, You..

Oh, you. You rascal...

Yes. You. You're a rascal. Life seems to be like that lately. Thought since switching my major that I'm happy and confident with my choice. Though I know I need to work hard to improve my artistic abilities since I put it on the back burner in high school.

The usual call to the parents is something I do once a day. Weekends I let them call me. (lol). Anyway. The call to the father was perfect and fine, nothing stressful it was normal. The call to them mother, I don't know how it started but it ended up talking about my major, money, loans, future, financial issues. That all went down hill for me. I started to cry but I had to hold it back and calm down because my roommate was in the room when I was talking to my mum. I understand that she's concerned about me. Since I went from a science major to an art major. Asked me if I'm able to make enough money with all the loans and how much school costs.

Ok let me tell you this. College is expensive as hell. All students will be welcomed into the world after graduation with a big debt tailing behind them. They're lucky if they get it paid without loans. For me I'm half lucky. My parents do support me and stuff. But I do have loans of my own. It's because I decided to attend a college 1.5 hrs away from home. I asked everybody and told me to come here and to experience college, and most of my friends were attending here as well. All is good. I like it, certain things that I don't like about this place. But it's manageable. Hate the dorms though. And there are things that I wished I could redo again. Because it's causing me stress, anxiety, and borderline depression. Be sure of what you really want to pursue because it'll be much easier on you mentally and emotionally.

I switched majors because I couldn't concentrate in my science classes. I attend class, lab, etc. But when it came to the midterms and exams. I just couldn't focus myself to study it. Yeah yeah. It's my fault that I didn't study enough for me to think that way. Even in high school I was the same way. I was really happy with my major I was just going through it like I did high school just went with the flow not really thinking about it. But I decided to go art major because it was my 2nd choice for my major. Even though financial it won't be making much money compared to being a science major, but I know I'll be much happier with it. Than doing something I just have no passion for, I felt that I needed to be a science major and become some sort of doctor. You know why? Cause I'm Asian, and I felt obligated to my parents to become something that has some worth in the medical field.

I should have listened to my own voice, but I guess when I was deciding what I wanted to do, that my voice was being overpowered by what my parents suggested and want for me. Because I felt OBLIGATED to do so. They told me to do whatever I wanted as long as I'm happy, and to pick something for myself and not what they want, even though they still like their suggestions. I just want to cry just thinking about it.

But my mum jjust stressed me out so much talking about money, loans, and shit a-like. And kept asking me if what I wanted to do makes enough money for me to pay it off. Ugh. Just getting to this part again just makes me want to go violent. I just. I'm stopping ehre because I can't go any further becuase I'll just blow up. I'm on the urge of crying. Oh look I wrote an essay.

Update to myself.. hah

2011..... Why hello....

2010.... wasn't so great academic wise.. ^^;; so goodbye..

I have good news!! After so much depression/anxiety from school!!! I decided to change my major FINALLY. To something that actually interests me. I originally was going for General Science with Physicians assistant option. Stuff is hard!! And I really didn't like my advisor... she was not so nice... After an advisor meeting with her, came out super depressed about myself. Change to undeclared winter term.. Loved that advisor oh my gosh.. advisor meeting with her I came out quite happy... Then *drum rolls* tada!! you're looking at an applied arts student!! going for graphic design option~...

It sounds quite scary, because graphic design is really really(x9999) hard to get into they only accept.. I believe 20 stupids out of the 40 that signed up for the portfolio review class. And if you don't get accepted you have to try again NEXT FALL... :| That's the only scary thing... I mean If I don't get it junior year... then I have to try senior year which means I might need to do 1 more year of college. To me. I don't mind but my parents really don't want that.. Since they were apprehensive about me changing to an art degree in the first place.

They told me that I should do something that interests me. Well here it is.. Scary as hell.. Ah late for class... *skips out*

I wanna cry ;__________;

This totally sucks! I thought next year would be really fun. But then I found out that my friend has to live at the sorority house next year for 2 years! I mean I'm happy for her that she got back in and all. Now I have to room with someone I don't even know!! And I don't know what they are like and It was a total surprise to me with the roommate that I had this year. And it didn't end well on my end, it was a like 75% dislike. e________e hate that bitch, but she can be cool sometimes... SOMETIMES..

Now I just wanna cry! Since she's not going to live in the dorms, I wanna move out and find an apartment. BUT! The cancellation fee is ridiculous! I mean why can't we cancel it when we haven't even moved in? That means! A room for the other people. It's going to be $2000 for the whole year that we haven't used! It's a bit crazy. But like all colleges, they like money they try to squeeze out as much as they can. I don't even know if I can go study abroad to Japan for junior year. UUGGGH I cried for the past two days now I wanna cry more!! What a horrible week. -smashes head into wall-

Oh I hate you.

This morning I thought was just a regular morning. Woke up tried to brush my teeth but I heard my phone, and it was my Dad calling. Recently I hated calls from my parents I DREAD them. He called to ask if I have any finals today and what time is my last one tomorrow because I get to go home for SUMMER BREAK. Well now lately my parents are questioning my college education ness. He's like WHY ARE YOU TAKING ART FOR YOU DON"T NEED IT. Well.. I need it for Baccore, and it fills up my Literature and Arts requirement. After the call he made me fell so worthless and like he's disappointed in me. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out right now because I don't know what to do anymore!
All of this stress is getting to me and that call just topped it off. I dont' know what o do with ny life anymore. I feel like I let down my parents. I really think they just want me to kill myself really. Because I can't really handle this anymore. Trying to figure out what major/career I want, Finals, and parents shit all in one ball. THEY just don't understand! I know what I need to take and yet they question me. I understand that they question how I study becaues I said I didn't know how I did on the chemistry. Just to be honest, I think I'm not good at the sciences. Or mainly because I dont' study it correctly. Or barely study for it at all. Oh god I'm so upset right now. I'm fucking crying at 10:30 in the morning. I don't need this in the morning. I try to give it my best, but my best is not good for them. I just wish something came along to make me feel better and make it obvious what career I should go into. I mean OBVIOUS like flashing lights and an arrow saying HEY KIM YOU NEED TO DO THIS SHIT.
As of right now I feel like being a Dermatologist. With my science grade right now, I don't know if I can study hard enough to make it. It appeals to me because I've had skin problems, my brother, and friends have skin problems. And I want to do something that'll make their skin healthier. Because I'm always about making people having good skin. And stuff and I want to do that for them. I'm really interested in being a Cosmetic Dermatologist. That's my goal if I go that route. But again I don't know, stratch that, I dont' THINK I'll study hard enough to make it. If I don't then my parnets will be like wtf did you do. wtf are you going to do now??
then the other options are still artsy, but I know that won't provide much money, but I think I will enjoy it very much. But I'm gonna stop I give up.
I'm useless,worthless, and a disappointment of a daughter. I can't study proficient enough, and my grades are ok. I'm gonna give up hope right now.
Well of to study or TRY to study with all this emotional stress going on with me. -sigh- I think I'm gonna go cry more.